Separation Anxiety

Well I've gone and done it! I've handed my novel over to be edited and I must say that it's producing a touch of anxiety in me. So much so, that I'm a bit stifled in the moment. I just want her back in one piece, to not be picked a part and rebuilt with only a hint of her original charm. It's merely a waiting game now.  But I remember that it is important to not rush things; anything worth having is worth waiting for.  I swear I'm still referring to my novel...

So while I'm anxiously stewing over which sections of the novel will remain intact, and which may be gone with the wind, I've skimmed through it lovingly, and have selected a few of the many meaningful quotes which, sadly, may be no more. I selected 21 as a representation of my age... OK , plus a few ;) They are listed in no particular order.

1. It being my first day at a new job, I quickly decide to put the inner office attempt at romance on the back burner until at least the second day. 

2. He dragged me out of the water as if I were a beached seal, bandaged my head (not the look I was going for), and determined I had a mild concussion. Then he suggested I see a doctor and went on his way.  It’s the story of my life. The hot ones always leave me with wounds and scurry off.

3. When I’m with Nina, I constantly feel in awe and almost jealous of the manner in which she cheerfully frolics through life. When I’m with Angelica, aside from wanting to take a pair of scissors and chop off her perfectly maintained honey blonde hair... well no, I guess that's about it.

4. Here I go, through the motions of making myself feel better about what is clearly rejection in its rawest form. Girl attempts to get guy’s attention, girl gives herself a hickey burn in the process, guy gives disdainful look and avoids girl at all costs. Cut and dried, no question, the definition of rejection.

5. What in the hell just happened here? I was ready to let Randall take me in his arms and he has a bloody fiancée? What a day, what a day.  All I need is a couple dozen cats and to take up needle point now I suppose.

6. Pay increase or not, just the thought of getting compensated to give up my dreams on a daily basis makes my stomach turn, and anxiety take over. 

7. “It is always the case that the toughest roads bring the greatest rewards and if talent is there, and was there, turning away from your passion to head down the easy and dependable route is actually quite defeating, now isn’t it? You completely despise your career, don’t you? If you despise your career, something must be done. Your mind has got to live and breathe fashion if you are going to make the transition to the fashion industry. There can be no fall back career. IF you have a fall back career then that leads you to be lack lustre and on the fence within the fashion world. No editor wants to review a designer who simply designs on the side. Fashion and design MUST be your focus and your entire life in order to be respected and reputable".-Victoria Lewis

8. “Dr. Richardson, I hope I didn’t wake you. I’m just calling for a quick bit of advice. I was hoping to get in to see you before I leave to Paris today, but the week flew by so quickly and now here I am as agitated and worry filled as ever.”

“Darling, what about? Is it still about holding men’s attention? You know that only comes with practice and what a perfect place Paris is to do just that. Oh I am so envious of you, love; all the ruggedly handsome men with their euro-fit pants. They’ll be reciting love poetry to you in no time my dear!”-Dr. Lola Richardson 

9. Finally an airport attendant joins in and he unjams the luggage piece. I fall flat on my back once again,  with the suitcase flat on top of me. Replace this suitcase with that airport attendant and I’d be in heaven.

10. I turn from the doorway and hear a rustling behind the bar then a pop sound. At the same moment I see a cork come flying across the suite, ricocheting off the far wall. Nina pops up holding a bottle of, what appears to be, extremely expensive champagne and my immediate thought is " And so it begins!"

11. As I enter Café Lateral on this majestic Parisian morning I can’t help but notice its proximity to L’Arc de Triomph and I resonate on the irony of my current situation and what that monument represents.

12. However, the longer I stare, the more I become transfixed and comfortably lost in the moment, unaware of all that surrounds me, in time and space; unaware of the comings and goings in this little café; simply captivated and held prisoner willingly by this feeling and this perfect being who has somehow wandered into my Parisian morning espresso time. His eyes emanate a warmth and comfort that I have never before felt at this capacity.

13. This time the scene had far greater meaning and inspiration in it. La Seine, a winding body of  flowing water making its way through the bustling city, although simply a river, became much more than that to me in the moment. If that river could talk, it would divulge stories as old as the earth upon which it flowed; tales of love, and achievement and those of war and bloodshed. The streets were rich in this history and La Seine had, and will continue to have, a front row seat for it all. We continue to transfix ourselves in the gurgling movement of the water for a moment then I nudge Nina to join me on the continued journey back to the pinnacle of the Parisian skyline.

14. The remainder of the afternoon takes the two of us touring beauties to La Louvre where we stand speechless in front of the being of restraint herself; the infamous Mona Lisa whose stoic and ambiguous expression seems to be the very portrait of enigmatic mystery. There is something about the eyes and the subtle smirk that tells me she was a lovely, misunderstood, vivacious woman.

15. "Portia, fashion, it is like making love. Each season is like a new lover with whom a glorious connection is made. As each piece is unveiled it is like a caressing of the senses, awakening them once again like an erotic touch. Great, true fashion and styling must create this feeling within, keep you wanting more. It must be insatiable like a lover’s first kiss on the cheek and promote yearning to feel more and to go further into the creations of the designer." Josee Parent

16.The memory until now has been more like a haunting reminder of a love lost, but in this time and place, I let it overtake me in the most blissful way;

 

17. "Portia Delaney, you are the reason that this flower in full blossom has found her way into my once romantically barren life.  By becoming a road block to me and my bicycle, thereby flipping me onto the hood of a nearby car where I lay with a fractured leg, you somehow paved the way to true love. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."- Leonard Scott

18. "Darling first of all, never regret the experience of taking on a lover for a short time, because although you may feel sad and destitute now, at one precise moment he was exactly who and what you needed." -Dr. Lola Richardson

19. She steps in and puts her teal colored pump on my chest to keep me down on the ground.

I’m not helpless; I’m not dirt; I’m not the groveling nobody she just transformed me into! She won’t win like she’s planned! Not like this!

20. The serene setting is unfortunately juxtaposed against the storm of emotions torridly ripping through my body. I remind myself to breathe, pay the cab driver and walk on as if I’m walking the plank.

21. I decide to keep the recent events to myself and carry on in my determination to use success as my weapon of choice.

The publishing journey has only just begun and even still I, much like Portia through a large portion of the novel, am a restless ball of nerves in the best possible way.

Please follow the links below to learn more about the Because I am a Girl cause initiated by Plan International:
http://becauseiamagirl.ca/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_AQA1xb4Is&feature=youtu.be
http://plan-international.org/

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Happy reading!
Jessica Ashley Dafoe